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Continuing education. [06 Nov 2006|04:28pm]

Fiction is in.
Latin is out.
Adolescent Lit for teacher certification credit in.
Taking over the classes I have now, out.

More or less they hired someone to sub for next semester which decreases my workload and allows me to take these credit for extra hours towards the beginning of my masters. So they say. Took a test Saturday to stay certified.

In other news, hahahhahahahaha. hahahahah. hahah. ha.

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One year older. [27 Oct 2006|09:00pm]
And I'm sitting here with a small box in my hand. Weird how things sometimes work out.

We'll get through it.
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Sometimes, this is just all I have to say. [24 Oct 2006|11:28pm]
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who knows. [12 Oct 2006|02:27am]
I never have anything to say. Things are fine but stressful. I feel alone but am surrounded by people. I am a difficult person. I feel guilty. I just want to sleep for a while.

Today is the first day in my entire career that I have ever been late for anything really. An hour. No excuses, I simply lost track of time.
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[08 Sep 2006|02:25pm]
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[03 Sep 2006|01:21pm]
The weekend was good. I am mostly tired and have nothing more to say.
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Love is a battlefield. [01 Sep 2006|12:12pm]
Hello lunchbreak, hello September.
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I feel numb. [13 Aug 2006|01:39pm]
There's a message playing on the answering machine. It starts static-filled and eventually cuts out in the important (selfishly so) places where I hear my brother apologizing for something we argued over because we're bound to as competetive blood. There's a pause, an I miss you, and the words I have secretly been pushing out of my mind since this whole thing started.

"I'm going to Iraq."

This is the start of radio silence. If you don't keep the thousands of others involved in this mess in your thoughts, allow me to be selfish and ask you to keep him.
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For Miss Jo. [11 Aug 2006|01:14am]
1. open your music player (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, etc). (iTunes)
2. put it on shuffle.
3. press play.
4. for every question type the song that's playing.
5. when you go to a new question press the next button.
6. some songs fit perfectly, and some really don't!!

OPENING CREDITS: F.e.a.r (Instrumental) -- Ian Brown v. U.n.k.l.e.

WAKING UP: So Says I -- The Shins

FALLING IN LOVE: Bliss -- Muse

FIGHT SCENE: Only the Strong Will Survive -- Hurricane v. U.n.k.l.e.

BREAKING UP: Prison Cell -- Robert Rodriguez

GETTING BACK TOGETHER: Money -- Flying Lizards

SECRET LOVE: Rabbit in Your Headlights -- Thom Yorke and U.n.k.l.e.

LIFE'S OKAY: Killer Bees -- Robbers on High Street

MENTAL BREAKDOWN: Undertaker -- Puscifer (Renholder mix)

DRIVING FLASHBACK: Below and Above -- Low

PARTYING: Holla Back Youngin' -- Fabolous

HAPPY DANCE: All I Have -- J Lo and LL Cool J (STFU)

REGRETTING: It's Only Divine Right -- The New Pornographers

LONG NIGHT ALONE: Love Cats -- Tricky

THE NEXT MORNING: Crazy -- Gnarls Barkley

FINAL BATTLE: More Sweet Soul -- Pretty Girls Make Graves

DEATH SCENE: Once in a Lifetime -- Talking Heads

END CREDITS: Panic -- The Smiths
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I want to talk about the important issues. [10 Aug 2006|07:05pm]
Don't fucking cut me bitch.

In lieu of last night's hilarity on medicine, I am sober and definitely ready to tackle this recent bout of terrorism because I have spent the greater part of my day on the telephone. You see, this morning in the United States was already the afternoon in London. Where I'm at now, I'm six hours away but that doesn't mean that I don't know what's going on. Apparently there was a terrorist attempt on planes in Heathrow (if you haven't heard about this because you avoid television/internet news/the paper like the plague, check out google.)

The issue is not the plan of attack, nor the fact that they were caught but the kind of panic that is sweeping across all nations. There will be cancelations, loss of stock, and general fear of the air for a while. The president/parliment/current political faction in our area will make speeches. The public will discuss. Articles will be written. Sentiment will be shared. I can already see the flags going up around my home. America. America. America. It's a haunting mantra. The land of the free, the home of the brave.

How brave are we if we're crawling under rocks because someone wanted to commit an act of terror. Has enyone really ever stopped to think why we are a target? Not everyone, but the stereotype of the arrogant American is true, and do you think that perhaps because of the fact that we go into other countries in an effort to "help," we might be targeted? It's all a matter of perception. What we see as help, others see as acts of terror. We don't serve and protect, we decimate and rebuild. It's a proven fact in the course of history. People are eventually better for it, but when you've got nothing left, how bad can you really be?

I am not really all that poilitical, I can't hold a serious conversation about the schematics of things without wanting to yell and scream. I am pessimistic and more loyal to a country that I don't live in than I am to this one, which makes me what? A bad example of an American citizen? So be it. I wasn't born here, but my family realized the potential of the country. Understand that when I say potential, I am not committed to feeling one way or another. Potential is often wasted on things that don't really need to happen.

Yes, I understand that when someone takes life it is a natural defense to avenge. No, I don't agree with it. I have not supported the war. I have not participated in the "let's blow shit up" bandwagon. I pray for the soldiers sure, I also pray for the terrorists so what does that make me? Forgiving. I'm of the firm belief that when someone does something to you, no matter how angry or hurt it makes you, you have to forgive. Can you live with yourself knowing that you've wished death on someone else? That's not a kind of guilt that I can live with. I can't support something that's going to take another person's life. I don't support the death penalty. I don't support mercy-killing. I can't and I won't. Killing massive amounts of people is not going to strengthen our cause. It's not going to instill anything other than anger. Fear and panic is always transmuted.

Most people haven't forgotten our terrorist attack, but we're desensitized to it. How many times a year do you talk about it? Do you talk about the Unibomber? Is that normal dinner conversation? What about all of the other people on the other side of the fence? How many countries have been through this before? How much coverage does it get? African villages go through terrorism all the time, what about poverty in India? Kidnapping children. Arson. Murder. Etc. Etc. Do we hear about this? No, we hear about what's big enough to make waves and then what happens? Then everyone does exactly what the act is made for. It's supposed to, in this case, make people afraid to come here. To make airport security so incredibly tight that you can't breathe without being taken into custody. It really, instead, should make you think carefully about the kind of world that we live in.

I, for one, am not afraid to ride in a subway or take a plane ride. I'm not afraid to talk to someone who is muslim or have dinner in the arabic market. I am not afraid to walk through the poorest street in my town because of the color of my skin. I am not scared of these things because I still believe there is good in people. I refuse to let one person's maliciousness ruin my outlook on life. So when I get those phone calls, I tell these people to live their lives. I refuse to be scared by something like this. I refuse to think about what our government is planning to do as a retaliation. I am praying for mercy on the individuals captured. I am praying that they find peace. I know this sounds sympathetic to an act of terrorism, but I see both sides of the coin.

If I were in their position, I might want to make an impact to. These days all people seem to react to is violence endorsed media. It's further proof that humanity will always be corrupt. Tear down this tower of Babel, I think we've had enough.
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Hindsight is twenty/twenty. [10 Aug 2006|03:53am]
So, my face was in an extreme amount of pain only to be relieved by medication. Let's talk about why it impairs everything that you could possibly ever imagine. Let's take a look at my track record. (I am slightly less medicated now but make no pretenses that I'll mispell the shit out of everything.)

One. Computers are a dangerous thing to leave on a table when you have animals that like to push them off. I thought my computer was fine because it barely tapped the ground so I finished up a movie and came to sit down only to realize that all of the words on the screen were bleary and after having a panic attack, I realized that it was my eyes not the computer. (Staring at anything that had words within sight actually proved this.)

Two. My ability to think about anything longer than two seconds without forgetting. I even walked to the movie store only to realize that I had forgotten the movies. Needless to say, Lucas came and got be because I'm apparently stupid.

Three. Finding things like jail time incredibly hilarious. A friend of mine got put into jail for graffiti because in my town you need a permit to deface public property and he did not have one, so his bail is set at one hundred grand. How the hell this happens? I have no idea. The police tracked them via the internet so let that be a lesson to all of you.

Four. Medicine on an empty stomach proves to be a very terrible idea and I don't recommend it the end.

Five. My eyes are blood red. I don't know how this happened, but apparently my body is rejecting me. I think it's more or less attempting to tell me something.

Like, oh, I don't know, sleep. But, sleep is for pussies.
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[09 Aug 2006|01:29pm]
The Libertine in one hand and the weight of accomplishment in the other. My face hurts so fucking much I cannot stand it. I am not that big of a pain wuss but this is fucking ridiculous.
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:D [08 Aug 2006|07:15pm]
My stomach is still in an anxious knot and I am still working hard to let things happen as they should. The new job is hopeful, my room is nearly ready. I just need to fill out the details of lesson plans and the like. It will be hard. It will be a continuous struggle, but it will be nice to be doing something that means something.

I enjoy the summer's break to be young again. To not be badgered or feel incompetent because I laze about until dawn writing. The gaming stories are coming together well. The stories of my own are still stirring.

Cake is a great thing. Welcome home Nikkay! I look forward to reading your experience.

Edison Force is really not that bad of a movie either.
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Spending the day.. [04 Aug 2006|02:50pm]
I got a list of music that I must check out and am working on one. :D

All in all, I am fairly certain that my day will be spent procrastinating or in the company of others as my phone has yet to cease ringing.

You know it's funny when people only want to chat with you because you're the only one constantly around...

Tomorrow will be spent more or less shitfaced.
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ps x 2 [03 Aug 2006|12:26pm]
Don't buy animals if you cannot care for them. They might not talk, but require just as much care as a life partner. So please don't treat them as less than important.
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Bless the heat. [03 Aug 2006|12:22pm]
The heat makes me feel slightly more at home sometimes when I realize that everyone else is just as grumpy as I am. Yesterday en route home from a thirty second trip, my ice nearly completely melted and that was what I was purchasing. A few years ago there was a power outage because of a huge storm and then we proceeded to have a heat wave, which is almost what it feels like again. Lines for ice and everything.

It is August, where has my time gone? I have so very much to do and am procrastinating through all of it. I will feel better when this is all over.

A friend is coming up this weekend from Missouri, I really look forward to this weekend. If it's not hot as balls.

Tangent -- I love hot pockets, does that make me trailer trash?
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When anxiety attacks. [02 Aug 2006|01:17pm]
I have to get things done. I am going to more than likely die with my new job of fresh/soph graders, but c'est la vie. The school staff is amazingly nice and here I'm needed and not just there. So this is a nice start. Also nice? The heat advisory has lifted so I can go outside and not feel like my skin is boiling off. I seriously had about seventeen gatorades yesterday.

I think my brain is taking a vacation for a while. I'm working on a bunch of graphic related things because I've got to set up a website for a friend of mine, which is nice (since html is easy once you stare at it long enough.) I am trying to be positive about a lot of things!

My mother broke her wrist in other news. My father called to tell me so and he is afraid of the telephone so it was a strange event.

I think this is fairly disjointed. I am indeed very very nervous/worried/etc etc.
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Phonebooth. [24 Jul 2006|07:38pm]
I hate Colin Farrel, and I know I should be nice 'cause he's my countryman and all but seriously. Wtf is up with Miami Vice. Don Johnson forever.

In other news, I am completely fed up with most people but when am I not? So I've come to a few conclusions and there you have it. Hello, how was your day?

I'm working on a short story but having trouble on which POV I want, so I will probably write two and see what happens if I edit them together. We will see.

I got an email that simply stated: "I hate you."

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The story was quite clear. [19 Jul 2006|11:05pm]
I am a violin string; shivering at the swell of some orchestral piece. The dark haunt, or the light melody. I am the happy ending, or the tragic one maybe. The point just before the measures halt and the pages are blank. Not made of wood, but bone. I don't cut an impressive figure, but instead am slight and winter pale. Dry skin and a ragged mouth -- desert swept without ever leaving the place where I live. I am all of these things, and nothing.

Somewhere in the background there is a crackle of a record and I'm suddenly at my grandmother's window in Kinsale. She has a regal profile, despite her tiny posture. My grandmother has pearls for eyes that were once gray like the sea there. She is watching for something and it is dark -- stormy but not in the sense that lightning strikes. The hair on the back of my neck still stands on end when she looks at me. In these pauses, where her mouth is silent and her hands are still. I see, perhaps, the image of my Grandfather.

Then my concentration stops.
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A lifetime piling up. [14 Jul 2006|09:07pm]
Papers are scattered everywhere and I am frantic. Sifting through documents for a name, or an address -- anything really. Thousands of photographs and memories come tumbling out of these heavy cardboard boxes but not the one I want. Never ever the one I want.

In two weeks there will be a surprise party where these things will compile themselves into something presentable. Generation gaps will be filled and memories will be shared. In two weeks things will become a sold, sturdy thing. For someone else.

It's dark in this room, but the lights still cast a barred shadow across the wall. It reminds me of another time, another place. I miss the city with its thousand lights and quiet atmosphere as long as the windows are closed. I miss the easily lost humor in the street names, or the towering buildings of a time when the city was covered with thick smog.

I miss things I've never been a part of.
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